Beer for Brains

I’ve figured it out. If I was rich all my problems would disappear.

Benefits:
• I could pay for college with no need to take out any loans (not that I can anyways).
• I could eat real food every day. I’m getting sick of squirrel meat.
• I could buy sweet things such as a Ferrari, a private spaceship, or Google.
• I would be expected to smoke cigars. Thats just manly.
• Two words. Midget army.
• I could buy an island where I am king.
• Two words. Midget island.

So basically I need to come up with a way to make a shit load of money as fast as possible. Right now rent, food, and school are killing me, leaving me with nothing extra to put aside and invest or spend.

So…ideas.

• Become a drug dealer.
• Become a hit-man. You don’t like your teacher? Call me.
• Hire bums for my own entertainment company. We do children’s parties.
• Strip in coffee shops. No, they didn’t hire me. Surprise!
• Visit the old people homes and find the ones with Alzheimer’s. Pose as long lost grandson and tell them they missed your birthday. All of them.
• Run into a car and then blame the driver. Flail my arms, moan, and then scream that they are anti american. Settle out of court. Repeat.
• Make a blog. Wait…I tried that already.
• Cut all my hair off and sell permanent advertising space on my head in the form of a tattoo. Buy Pepsi! Free Porn!
• Steal pets and then return them for the reward.

Thats all I got so far. If anyone has any ideas on how I can get rich quick to pay for college and my midget army please leave a comment.

Thanks.

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