Beer for Brains

First off…I flew back to California this past Sunday.
Oh yeah, that was fun.

First flight was supposed to depart at 3 PM, well…yeah. Those ass holes at the airport weren’t going to let that happen. So this Korean lady…

Actually. Let me backtrack really fast and talk about the previous night.

All of Saturday I was busy cleaning up my apartment to look all nice and shiny for my NaziLady/Landlord. She’s a bitch. Anyways, somehow there was a shit load of garbage. Seriously, I have no fucking clue where all of it came from. I filled bags and bags with papers, old mail…actually I’m not even really sure what I filled them with.

What I’m trying to say is that on Saturday I filled 10+ trash bags.

This is all nice and everything but for some reason those greedy garbage men in Portland make you buy and use special bags for your trash and if you don’t use them they refuse to collect it. Bastards. Of course I didn’t have any of these so I used plain old trash bags.

So heres my dilemma. I need to get these 10+ trash bags out of my apartment by the time I leave, however I’m not supposed to be using these bags. If I go out and put them by the curb people will look at me weird. One, because I’m not using the right bags. Two, because I’m putting them by the curb three days early. And three, they always look at me weird.

I decide to wake up at three in the morning and figure it out then.

3:00 AM - Alarm goes off. Slightly delirious, cold, and with a strange craving for chips and dip.

3:02 AM - Trip over suitcase and fall headfirst into wall. Rest on the ground a bit.

3:10 AM - Wake up on the floor. Slightly delirious, cold, pain on my head, and with a strange craving for chips and dip.

3:15 AM - Take three trash bags out of the apartment. Walk down the street. Leave them in front of someone else’s house.

3:23 AM - Take two trash bags and throw them in the 7-11 dumpster.

3:26 AM - Run because the 7-11 guy is threatening to shoot me.

3:30 AM - Gazing at the ceiling and realizing that I could potentially lift up the tiles and stash some bags up there.

3:30 AM - For no reason at all decide against it.

3:35 AM - Eat chips and dip.

3:50 AM - Still eating chips and dip.

4:00 AM - Hide the rest of the trash bags in my neighbor’s backyard.

8:00 AM - Go outside to see a bunch of people complaining about the bags.

8:03 AM - Start complaining about the bags. “Who would do such a thing?!”, “What, do we live in a dump or something?!”, “Did anyone see who did this?! I’m going to kick his ass!”.

True story. I’m laughing at them on the inside.
Especially when I drove away in a taxi and saw all my trash bags in front of people’s houses.

And…yeah. So much for that Korean lady.

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